Rejoice with those who rejoice;
mourn with those who mourn. Romans 12:15
It sounds simple enough. How hard can it be? After all, we are elated for our friend who has been struggling to get pregnant when she announces the wonderful news, and our hearts share in the pain when a dear one loses a job or, perhaps, battles a chronic illness.
But do you ever find your gut churning inside and secretly wishing the good fortune happened to you instead of that other person? Or when you learn a person with whom you have a conflict has just been demoted at work, do you say, "Oh, that's too bad" but under your breath say, "You deserve it, you slacker"? No, you would never say it out loud to anyone nor want to admit it to yourself, but you grit your teeth and internally stew about it. "Why do I never get the breaks?!" "Why am I not getting the recognition?! I've worked just as hard!" Or "Good, she needs a taste of her own negativity!" Let's be real. Let's be honest. We don't always rejoice with those who rejoice and we don't always truly mourn with those who mourn.
Rejoicing and mourning with others takes effort. Because we are human and naturally self-absorbed, we may be jealous of another's good fortune. For the same reason, we may want to come across better or more fortunate that someone else so we quietly rejoice in their misery.
It was not long ago that I came face-to-face with this reality. I had noticed that a friend of mine from before I moved had de-friended me on Facebook. It really bothered me and I felt the need to do "the Matthew 5:23-24 thing" and reconcile if need be (Matthew 5:23-24: "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.") I shot off a message asking if I had offended her. I was thankful she responded but her response bothered me almost as much. The gist behind her de-friending me was because she was seeing on Facebook how well our family was doing and how happy and blessed we've been. She said it was hard for her to read, since she and her family have had a number of struggles recently. So the easiest thing for her to do was to eliminate being reminded of her own struggles, which meant de-friending each of my family members. Sad? Yes. Do I understand? To a degree. But rather than avoidance, couldn't it be better used as an opportunity to grow in character? As I thought about how blatant and unfortunate this example is, I recognize my own tendency to inwardly do the same on occasion. Am I really happy when someone else is given kudos for a job well done and I'm seemingly overlooked?
It may be easy to "rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn" when it is a friend, but what about when it is an enemy--someone you don't especially like? It becomes all the harder. What does Scripture mean anyway, when it says to share in the rejoicing and mourning of others? Those are action words. I believe it implies we are to get involved, even when it's difficult. Swallowing our pride is not an easy thing to do, but necessary if we truly desire to become more like Christ and His character.
Putting feet to our rejoicing and mourning may mean different things to different people. I am thankful I have the Holy Spirit Who is quick to prick my heart when my go-to reaction would be jealousy or pride. I can then ask the Lord to forgive my selfishness and ask how He'd like me to respond. It may mean verbally congratulating someone on their victory--even when I think I am the one who deserves it. It may mean praying for that one in distress whom I would really rather gloat over. It may even mean humbly approaching them, mending bridges and voluntarily assisting them in some way. Tough stuff!
Why would anyone want to subject themselves to such humility? Because it's what God requires of us. Because it is through these tests (which, by the way, we have not encountered by accident) that God puts us through that will either refine us or sink us deeper into the mire of self-absorption and pride. The deeper we get, the more difficult it is to resurface and the more difficult it becomes for our hearts to be tuned into the Holy Spirit's prompting. If you truly desire to be Christ-like, practice rejoicing with those who rejoice and mourning with those who mourn.
"Quicken my spirit, Father, to hear Your voice
and to obey Your nudging,
even when it takes much effort."
